I used to have a ton of messages, and a ton of friends--most of them have gone on. Some have just left--xanga. Some--well one in paticular, just used me......Aiion. He was a --a friend, I had thought. I come to find out, he --was a she--posing as a man--and pretended to be my friend. One of his girlfriends, (spirit-wings)-whom I have blocked, used to come here and spy on me. In the beginning I was totally clueless. Then Spirit-wings,--kept accusing me, of being Aiion, which is rather delusionary. Then I had found out, Aiion had several girlfriends--who were totally in love with him. I mean, real love. They were all on the internet----here, in Xanga, and on the Phantom of the Opera and several other --web sites. They thought Aiion was in love with me. I had told Aiion, his small crush on me, was very sweet, but I was a married woman. It was never to be. To find a nice girl, where he lived in Canada. I even met a friend---who used to write with me, on Phantom of the Opera site, who was like me---an older person. One of Aiion's freinds posted on the Phantom of the Opera site, that he died in a car wreck. Man, I shed real tears, for this guy. Because I really, really liked him. We all did. We posted--heart wrenching posts, and poems to him. My friend, later found out, and posted to me, that Aiion was not dead. She was furious, and left the web site. I was dumbfounded. It was then, that Spirit wings--started to harrass me, and irritate me, and accuse me, of being part of this crazy corrupted plan, of delusion. Aiion lived in Canada. I live in Florida, and I have a husband, and two children. I never pretended to be, anyone, but who I am. I liked to write, and I was at the time obsessed by the Phantom of the Opera. I had to work. I had children to worry about. I had a sick husband, who was struggling with illness. I just didn't need this extra crap in my life. I still wanted to be freinds with Aiion. But, I went thru phases of anger, forgive him, and move on. Then, I went thru phases, of why? Why would he pretend to be dead? You know? Why lead all these wonderful young girls along, and including me--who meant nothing to him? I was upset for several months. Then to find out, Aiion was not a guy after all, but a woman posing as this sweet young man--who was haunted, just like the phantom? I became irritated, and upset. Why should he wreck and poke havoc in my life--- I would have accepted him/her, as who she was. She didn't have to pretend. I'd been her friend, just as she was. Then I realized, it must have been one sick joke. All sympathy has left me. After I lost everything in the flood. I came to realize, writing is fine. But what Aiion did, and what Sprit-wings, accused me, of---was totally wrong. I did nothing to deserve it. Then I went into an angry phase---then a--forgive them phase. I am now---in a--ok, lets' drop it, I don't want to ever talk about it again--phase. I want to write, --because I've always loved to write. They accused me, of being an imposter. That I couldn't write all this, so well. Well I've been writing since I was a kid--made up stories, in my head and poems on paper. I'm not a deviant. I'm just a married woman, that likes to write. I had wanted to have friends......just friends. People to chat to, and to occasionaly laugh with. I have met--them here. But the rest---was just that---just--waste. I never wanted love. Nor to pretend to love someone. But when I care about people, I tend to really do care about them. It's not a joke to me. You know? Whether in cyber space, or not. Some people, in my real world, take advantage of my kindnesses, and my gentle heart. It hurts me. But I never expected anyone to hurt me, with a prank, and to sit back and laugh at me, from afar. I never deserved that, and neither did Aiion's friends. So --always be careful in cyber--space, and always be careful, when someone---tries to worm, their way into your heart, that you can't physically hear, or see. They could be just setting you up, for a big down fall. Lesson learned, time to move on. Riding_Hood | 
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She graduates May 5th. We are all going, coughing and hacking, and crawling there